The Year My Life Changed
by gaguy24
Summary: Jaycyn comes to a new city in a new year, After leaving his old life behind him and setting out with only a limited amount of money. He wonders if he can ever face his past and build a new future. There will be MM FF pairings and not too graphic sex!
1. Chapter 1

AN: Well this is my first go on a fanfic be nice ;) I would also like to say that I am going to change a few things having to deal with the FFVII and VIII characters. Can't really have them throwing magic around in the 21st century now can I? And be forewarned that I'm using Microsoft Word 2003 to proof read and spell check my fic.

**_WARNINGS: IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TURN BACK NOW! THERE ARE GAY SITUATIONS AND RAUNCH DIRTY SEX AS WELL AS, VULGAR LANGUAGE, BLOOD, AND VIOLENCE. I DON'T OWN FF7 NOR FF8 CHARACTERS BUT I DO LOVE TO BRING THEM OUT TO PLAY WITH!_**

Now on with the Fic!

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January 1, 2009

"Great, a new year in a new town and I don't even have someone to kiss." Jaycyn exclaims as he watches the firework display on the TV. "Damn with all the noise outside I would have been better off watching the display on the balcony."

Standing up from the sofa, Jaycyn clicks the TV off and grabs his smokes and his beer; he walks slowly towards the sliding door to the balcony and pauses. "Why is this so uncomfortable?" He thinks to myself and set down the smokes, the beer, and grabs his heavy pea coat and head towards the door. "I need a something stronger then a beer I think." Jaycyn grumbles to himself.

Opening the door to his loft, closing it, and locking the deadbolt he heads out into the chilly Atlanta, GA night. Pulling his collar up tight around his neck Jaycyn begins his search for a bar. Coming up to a group of New Year's partygoers He asks, "Hey know of a Bar that's still open?" The person looks up and smirks, "If you continue on this street and the stop sign take a right then a left at the first road alley you see and that will be the 7th Heaven." The people chuckle and continue with their hoots and hollers.

Following the guy's directions, Jaycyn quickly finds the bar mentioned and braces himself for the inevitable crowed. Opening the door, he quickly enters and is met with the low sound of dance music, "Get in or get out your letting all the heat escape!" A strong feminine voice yells. Unable to say anything Jaycyn closes the door quickly and looks behind the bar.

A woman of middle height with large breasts and long brown hair smirks and motions him towards the bar. "Tifa damnit! You don't need to bark at the customers." A deep voiced male booms, "Barret If I want your advice I'd ask for it! Now what would you like handsome?" Tifa asks sweetly.

"Umm, can I get a few shots of Jagermeister with a glass of Dr. Pepper please?" Jaycyn asks timidly as he fishes out a ten and lays it on the counter. Looking him up and down Tifa grabs four shot glasses and fills them up quickly and soon a glass of dark soda is next to the shots. Grabbing up the ten, Tifa stuffs it into the jar labeled "TIPS" and laughs. "Thanks for the tips handsome." Trying to smile Jaycyn just sits down and down's the first shot and takes a few sips of the soda. "So, Tifa isn't it? Why are you still open I'd have thought that you'd have to be closed or something?" Picking up the second shot, he downs it and follows with the soda.

"Naw hun, we're open till you leave, it seems our bar isn't too busy nowadays. I don't know if it's me or the help, but ehh what can you do? Barret go on and get Cloud for me, and if he gives you lip just tell him it's for me." Tifa says as she adjusts her leather looking finger gloves.

"I only asked cause a group of people told me how to get here." Jaycyn slowly says as he picks up the third shot and does not even follow it with the chaser.

"Lemme guess did a guy have crazy hair sticking up in the front with red gloves and a tight ass?" Jaycyn nods and Tifa continues, "Yupp that'll be Zell and Squall and they probably had Slephie with them as well." She finishes and grumbles something under her breath.

Grabbing his pack of smokes from his coat slowly Jaycyn fumbles one out and lights it. "I hope this is okay, just been one of those months, hell my whole life has been one of 'those'. Tifa gives a thumb up and gathers up the three empty shot glasses.

"Tifa what do you need?" A male asks politely

"Cloud sit next to this young man. I'm thinking when he downs that fourth shot he'll be on the floor." Tifa chuckles a little bit and smirks at Cloud.

"He looks fine to me Tifa. Can I get one Mr.…?" Cloud asks nicely with a grin.

"Jaycyn, and yeah." Jaycyn says as he pulls out a smoke and produces a lighter into Cloud's outstretched hand.

Cloud grunts as he puts the smoke to his lips, those soft looking perfectly shaped. All of a sudden, a bang is heard and before he knows it Jaycyn's on the floor looking up into Clouds eyes. "Please tell me I didn't just fall off the stool." He drawls slowly.

"I'm afraid you did after you were staring at my lips for so long." Cloud looks concerned then his face goes back to looking stoic.

"After this last shot and the rest of the soda, I'll be needing to walk back home." Jaycyn says tiredly as he gets to his feet and focuses on the shot in front of him.

"Well here's to oh nine!" Jaycyn grumbles and downs the shot, the soda, lights a smoke and turns to walk out. "Thank you Tifa, Cloud. This has been….fun." He says as he opens the door, or rather tries to and finds Cloud holding the door shut.

"I'll be right back with my coat to walk you home Jaycyn." Cloud says matter of factly as he turns and grabs his heavy black trench coat and opens the door. "Lead on oh drunk one." Cloud actually chuckles and grabs Jaycyn by the arm lightly as if to hold him upright.

"It's not that far, we turn right then left then walk a little ways we get to my loft!" Jaycyn giggles. "Hot damn my first night in this city and I already have a hot guy on my arm what could be better?" Jaycyn laughs then grows quiet, "Sorry." And Jaycyn is quiet on the remainder of the short walk. Pulling out the keys to the loft he mutters, "Dammit which one was it." And just begins to randomly try a key until the dead bolt unlocks.

"Pardon the mess; I haven't really had time to begin putting stuff away." Jaycyn says as he walks slowly around a few boxes. Reaching the fridge he calls out, "Do you need water or something Cloud?"

"Sure, I'll take water." Cloud says as he bends over to look at the contents of a box.

Looking back at Cloud, Jaycyn goes to the medicine cabinet and grabs a few aspirin and his sleeping pills. "Bottoms up." He whispers and he takes his meds.

"Think quickly." Jaycyn laughs as he tosses the water at Cloud and is surprised that he caught it so easily,

"Thanks."

"Do you always talk that way?" Jaycyn says annoyingly

"No." Cloud says and chuckles. "It's just easier to talk less around some people is all."

"Well if I did something or _rather_ say something stupid over look it. My tongue gets loose sometimes." Jaycyn says as he takes off his shirt and heads to the bedroom. "Well thank you for walking me home Mr. Cloud, but I'm thinking it's time for me to crash. I will need to be up in a few hours to look for a job, I'll run out of money sooner rather then later. The sofa is comfortable and the blanket on the back is warm, but if you need to leave just lock the door before you do please." Jaycyn says as he blushes and turns off his bedroom light, takes off his pants and tries his best not to fall on his ass as he gets into his bed. Thinking to himself "Damn it would have been nice to sleep with him." And as he starts to fall asleep, Jaycyn hears the creak of the sofa and smiles.

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AN cont. yeah yeah it's a short chapter without that much action, feel free to R&R There will be more story to come soon enough I plan to update this as quickly as I can without sacrificing quality for quantity. I plan for my upcoming chapters to be at least 5 pages if not more. So have patience and an open mind ;)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Lying in the bed still on the edge of sleep, Jaycyn blinks and jerks back at the site of Cloud on top of him. "What the…" Jaycyn mutters as he blinks a few more times and still sees the brunets face.

"Pills for your headache, can't have you going looking for a job with a hang over now can we?" Cloud smirks and forces two aspirin and a glass of water onto the pale blonde haired guy under him.

"You know you'll have to get off of me if you want me to take those pills. And besides you're distracting me." Jaycyn says as he lifts his hips just to feel the firm ass on top of him.

"Now now, that's not very nice dude." Cloud smirks and gets off of the blonde.

After swallowing the pills and his raging hard on, Jaycyn sits up in bed and looks at Cloud fully. "There is no way in hell I could get someone like that, his chocolate brown hair and eyes. That scar across his face, and those leather pants, shit if only I could fit in them." He thinks to himself as he tries to cover up his still erect manhood.

"Could you give me a few minutes to get ready?" Jaycyn asks tersely and receives a grunt and a laugh.

"I don't know why your being so modest you all but confessed your undying love for me last night." Cloud grinned again, turned around, walked out of the bedroom, and quietly closed the door behind him.

"Now what have I gotten myself into, going to a strange bar to drink, getting drunk and having a good looking and polite guy take me home? Shit if only mother could see me now!" Jaycyn mutters to himself as he quickly grabs some clothes.

"Oh and by the way I've already picked out your clothes for today Jaycyn, their in the bathroom with the tub already filled." Cloud says loudly as he hears the fridge open up.

Shaking his head, Jaycyn makes his way to the bathroom, which is the only other room with four walls and a door like his bedroom. Bending over first, he switches on his cd player and cranks it up hoping that it will drown out the sound of him singing along. As the chorus of the first song wells up, Jaycyn finally takes the time to look at the clothes that Cloud has picked out. "What the..." Jaycyn starts but then stops as he sees the price tags all on the clothing.

The first item he sees is a cute pair of C-IN2 briefs, pure black save the little details in yellow. "Nice." He says to himself as he looks at the jeans, "Low rise of course and baggy in the legs." The name of the brand is nothing he has ever heard of same with the tight scarlet and black tank top. Shaking his head slightly, as to not rattle his brain around anymore then necessary, Jaycyn takes off his boxers and slides into the nicely hot bath water.

As he cleans himself of the grime of yesterday and last night, he begins to sing.

*Kneel...  
In silence...  
Alone...  
My spirit bares me...  
Pray...  
For guidance...  
Towards home...

Kneel... (dream within dream we travel)  
In silence... (empires of faith unravel)  
Alone... (sealed with our virtues' treasures)  
Kingdoms falling...  
Down... (who's hand commands this thunder)  
In silence... (cry as we're torn asunder)  
Alone... (unto what gods do i call?)  
Protect us in our...

Fall...  
Away...  
My soul wandered... borne by grace...  
I flew on high...  
Sheltered...  
From this thunder...  
Calling heaven.

Take me away from time and season,  
Far far away we'll sing with reason,  
Prepare a throne of stars above me,  
As the world once known will leave me.

Take me away upon a plateau,  
Far far away from fears and shadow,  
Strengthen my heart in times of sorrow,  
Light the way to bright tomorrows.

Answer our call in desperate hours,  
Shelter our fall from earthly powers,  
Temper our souls with flame and furnace,  
Bear us toward a noble purpose.

Heaven hides nothing in it's measure,  
Mortal men blinded by false treasure,  
Formless and vanquished we shall travel,  
Shield and sword will guide our battle.

Take me away from time and season,  
Far far away we'll sing with reason,  
Prepare a throne of stars above me,  
As the world once known will leave me.

Opening his eyes as he finishes the song, Jaycyn frowns deeply as he knows his voice was heard. Letting the bath water out he dries himself off slowly to make sure he's all-dry. Slipping into the briefs, they hug all the right places and feel comfortable, same with the jeans although he knows that his ass is more prominent in them. Slipping on the tank top Jaycyn sprays himself with a little cologne and walks out of the bathroom to Cloud sitting still on the couch.

"So you sing." Cloud says as he grabs up his bottle of water and looks stoically to Jaycyn.

"Yeah I guess I do, well a little. Thanks for the clothes Cloud they fit perfectly. Just let me slip on my socks and shoes and I'll be all set." Jaycyn says as he sees a box on the coffee table next to a pair of black socks.

Jaycyn looks at Cloud and hears "Couldn't help myself." And he turns away while Jaycyn puts on the black Lugz.

"So where to first oh master of fashion?" Jaycyn snickers and grabs his long leather trench coat and grey scarf.

"We are going to Vincent's to see if he has a spot open. And don't wear the trench it hides your assets. Wear this coat Jaycyn." Cloud says lightly as he hands over a black leather bomber jacket similar to the one he saw on that guy last night.

"I saw a ton of computer hardware and I thought you'd be more comfortable working at home. And when working in Vincent's company it's easier to do that." Cloud states simply as he moves quickly to the door and opens it.

"I don't mean to sound rude but why are you helping me? All the clothes, the job line up. What gives?!" Jaycyn asks rather rudely.

"Don't worry you won't be my Uke Jaycyn, I think we wouldn't get along if that was the case. And as for everything else, you remind me of someone I used to know. That's all." Cloud responds coldly and walks out the door.

Quickly closing and locking the door, Jaycyn scrambles to catch up to Cloud. "Hold the hell up!" He roars as he looses his balance on the stairs and would have fallen had Cloud not caught him.

"Be careful fool." Cloud says into his hair and blushes.

_Okay now I'm seeing things._ Jaycyn thinks to himself as Cloud once more gracefully walks down the stairs onto the main road.

"Hey it's not me being clumsy it's these fucking shoes. Give me a pair of geta anytime." Jaycyn laughs out loud and catches up to Cloud, to his disappointment, the blush is already gone and the stoic mask is back in place.

Walking closer to the bar, Jaycyn sees Tifa outside throwing away empty beer boxes into the trash dumpster.

"Hey Cloud, everything go okay last night? Squall came in not five minuets after you two left to see if you were coming home to him." Tifa asks but then quickly quiets as her line of sight falls on a nicely clothed Jaycyn.

"That damned man needs to leave me alone, I'm not his play thing. When did he get to start acting like Sepheroth? Is Barret inside? Oh, he's not, well can you ask him if he can grab what little of my things out of Squall's place and bring them back here? Thanks Tifa, I've got a job lined up with Vincent for Jaycyn and we need to get down there." Cloud quickly asks as he grabs the keys out of his jacket and unlocks the car doors.

_All of this shit is going way too quickly, and how am I going to cover up the fact that Vincent knows me all to well? Well I always knew I couldn't get Cloud, not now or ever._ Jaycyn looks at the unlocked car door as all the thoughts run through his head.

"Get in." Cloud says through the rolled down window.

Sliding into the comfortable seats of the Golf TDI, Jaycyn buckles himself up and looks over to Cloud.

"What Jaycyn, you keep looking at me like a freak. Yeah I dated Squall a few years ago and we just never properly ended the relationship. Nothing to worry about, I won't rape you if that's what your thinking." Cloud says lifelessly.

"Well everyone has their pasts and whether you choose to run from it or face it is your deal not mine. I have a few…erm…I guess I should tell you I know Vincent. I used to work for a telecommunications company that overlooked data use in the south. Some government project to figure out how much bandwidth would be used in the coming years." Jaycyn lets this out in a rush and gulps in a breath of air and tries to continue but is cut off by Cloud.

"I know, why do you think it was so easy to get Vincent to agree to give you a job?" Cloud smirks then coughs.

" I don't even think Sid knew that much of what I've done." Jaycyn starts but then quiets.

"Now who's running." Cloud says levelly and guns the engine.

AN: the song I used for Jaycyn to sing is from Globus, a really great band in my opinion and the songs name is Take Me Away. Youtube it and see if you like it ;)

Yeah things moved a little slowly in this chapter and I'm not quite happy about it, I'm just shy under the five page mark and feel like the characters aren't moving quickly enough, But *headdesk* I'll be damned if I rush them to much!

R&R if you feel the need :D


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Do you mind?" I say as I hold up two smokes and receive a nod to go ahead, lighting the smokes quickly and handing one off towards Cloud I begin on my 20 questions.

"Alright so you used to date Squall, I've always heard he was into a guy named Seifer Almasy?" Taking a quick drawl on the cig, I continue, "And you with that quiet…hell I don't even know what to call it. But, I do know you're not just helping me for shits and giggles here Cloud." Taking another drawl, I try to continue with my rant and rave but am cut off.

"Yeah I used to date Squall, but like _I_ _said_ earlier it's over between us, he did like Seifer before…well just before. Moreover, I am not quiet, it is called being reserved. Frankly, I do not know you well enough to chatter like a group of old women to you. Again, you look like someone I used to know, that is all." Cloud takes a puff off the cig and flicks it out of the window.

"I'm not used to people being nice to me is all, for most of my life I've had to take care of myself. So thank you for…Wait a minute you don't know me that well to gossip like an old women but you knew me well enough to straddle me this morning?!" I ask incredulously as I throw the cigarette butt out the window and huffs.

Looking out the window I hear Cloud chuckle lowly. _ Why is that so funny, I was just saying_.

"We are here Jaycyn, now if you really knew Vincent you'll know how to handle the 'interview" Cloud smirks, downshifts the car, and screeches it to a halt. Getting out of the car, I look up at the imposing building and gulp. _Great all I need is to have a panic attack in front of Cloud._

"Are we all set Jaycyn?" Cloud asks as he sees the look on my face

"Sure, it's just big is all. And no don't even laugh I meant the building!" I shout out as I try to save my ass.

"Sure well come on, His office is on the main floor and it'll take a few minutes to meet him so maybe the shock of it being _so big_ will wear off." Cloud says as he chuckles and steps to the left of me.

_Just a little closer and he'll be brushing up against my arm! Ah, Dammit I'm having a conversation with myself staring at him….must stop!_ I tear my eyes away from Clouds perfect face and begin moving closer towards the building.

Walking through the rotating door I am instantly hit with noise, people talking and rushing about in their sad routines. Strolling to the main desk, I try to ask the short man a question but Cloud butts in.

"Miguel we are here to see Vincent, is his schedule cleared yet? No, well warn him we are on our way up." Cloud frowns, grabs me by the arm, and leads me to the elevator.

"Let me make this clear Cloud I'm neither your bitch nor your Uke so stop treating me like it!" I fiercely whisper to him as the doors open and reveals an empty elevator.

"I'm not treating you like one fool, if I was you'd know it." Cloud grumbles darkly.

As the doors close, something in my chest snaps and I turn on Cloud. Looking at his dull eyes I slam him against the elevators wall and force my lips onto his, feebly fighting against my hold Cloud finally slaps the back of my head and that bring me to my senses.

"Now who's the one treating who like an Uke Jaycyn?" Cloud asks as he tries to hide a blush, "I'll try to hold back on speaking for you alright?"

"Sure thing." Jaycyn says he adjusts himself painfully and looks down. "Shit how am I going to hide this?" I ask under my breath.

"Probably the same way I'll try to hide this." Cloud says as he looks down as well and scoffs.

_I can't figure this guy out, I throw myself on him and complain that I've got a hard on and nothing. He actually scoffed at me! CHAAA_

Hearing the ding of the elevator, I quickly look down and am relived that I've gone down enough to cover it as just a bulge. Looking down at Clouds crotch, I see the same thing except a faint outline of his manhood.

"Well hurry the hell up I can't hold the office up all day long just because you want a job with me!" A voice cracks through my thoughts and I pull Cloud through the doors.

"Mr. Valentine, I see you're still favoring those dark reds and black, if you don't remember me I'm Jaycyn." I say, as I look full on at his face and at the last moment pull my eyes away. _He still looks as if he hasn't aged a day since I've last met him._

"Yes I remember you just Jaycyn, I'm sorry to hear about…"

"It's alright really don't worry yourself over it." I quickly say as I take one of the two seats in front of his desk, and Cloud takes the other one.

"Well this is a surprise to say the least, When Cloud called me _early_ this morning with news of you hear I was beside myself. Last, I heard you were in Washington in a comfortable desk job. I wonder what happened." Vincent says but his eyes betray for just a moment that he knew exactly what happened.

"Yes well, lets just say the job was stressful under Hojo. Now am I getting the job or not Vincent you know my skills and my off the record activities." I say, _now why had that came out, I swear in just this short time Cloud has done something I just know it!_

"Cloud could you wait for Mr. Jaycyn down in the lobby? I'm afraid I have some personal details to discuss with him." Vincent asks pleasantly.

"Of course, Jaycyn I'll be waiting on you to take you back to 7Th Heaven for a beer or three." Cloud bows his head slightly to Vincent then leaves.

"So what is so important that Cloud cannot be in the same room as me? Oh, the past that's what you want to bring up." I say flatly

"Not really Jaycyn, I'm more interested in what Hojo had you working on. Because I do know that, you weren't just monitoring data and bandwidth for the south east of America. Not with your skills and knowledge." Vincent drones on.

"You know I can't talk about that Vincent. It is top-level security and even if I did want to talk about it, you would not understand it all. I am not trying to be rude but it is the truth, I do know that you were monitoring us as we scanned all the businesses down here. And I also know that if Hojo really wanted you to know then he'd have Rufus hire you." I say defensively and rise.

"Sit down." Vincent growls and I sit rather quickly. _Why does he have to be so fucking scary?_

"You better watch yourself when you work for me; you may have known me or rather known of me. But Jaycyn watch yourself, and watch Cloud. He may have broken up with Squall but he is still my toy and when I say jump he asks _me_ how fucking high." Vincent waves a hand of dismissal and I try not to fucking run out of his office.

Let me tell you the ride down the elevator was murderously slow, the kind of slow that makes you want to mash the button over and over in hopes the elevator will plummet towards your floor all the quicker. -_**DING**_- _Oh thank god that took forever!_

"So are we through did you get the job?" Cloud asks quietly.

"I suppose so, but I did learn an interesting thing or two. _Jump!"_ I command.

Cloud freezes in his steps and actually clenches his fists.

"Whatever forget the bar I'll take you straight home." If words could kill I would have been dead on forget.

The ride home was for the most part deathly silent. The growling of the engine and my internal monologue were the only two things to keep me from exploding. Before long, an object is tossed on my lap.

"My number is the first contact in there. Use it." Cloud grunts and turns off the car.

"I don't need a cell, I don't believe in them Cloud. And why do I need your number? The office isn't that far away from my loft." I say flatly but inside I'm doing a little dance at getting his number.

"Use it or don't then, do you mind if I come up to use the toilet?" Cloud asks and looks at me full on.

"Su... re." I stutter and open the car door.

Inside the house, I go to the fridge, pull out a 20oz Dr. Pepper, and sit on the couch. As the minutes pass by I start to really look at the loft, sure it was a grand a month to live in it but what the hell I was tired of living in that small one bedroom apartment. And the past comes back….

_ Now when I tell you to figure out the problems for MAKO I fucking better have the solution on my desk in ten minutes. You understand me Jaycyn, I'm tired of these little eco freaks pestering this operation!_

_ Well I wasn't the one who let slip what it was supposed to be fore Hojo! Who cares if this so-called Avalanche group blows up a plant or two? I'm not paid to figure that out I'm a data processor and one of the fucking best._

Oh, how wrong I was to think I was the best, or that speaking up to that creature called a man would solve. Fucking nothing, all my clearance destroyed, my assets froze, my love….

"Jaycyn." Cloud says as I feel my chin in his hand.

"Huh."

"Is everything alright?"

"I guess, thank you for the ride and the job line up. I'll have to dig out my old laptop and see if it can't interface with Vin…I mean Mr. Valentine's company's servers. I'd invite you to dinner but I'm sure Vincent has other ideas for you." I pull my chin out of his hand and find it's not that easy.

"You listen to me; I'm not his lapdog or his _Toy_. Got that, if I've helped you I I'll have my reasons for it. Now since you don't want me to be here leave, and if you ever need help arranging things let me know." Cloud snaps his words but lets my chin go rather softly.

"Later handsome." I mutter and for a split second, I could have sworn he stops, but as soon as I register it, he continues out the door.

Now free to my loft once again I go to the blinds and close them each and every single one of them. "Now…I….fuck…why does this shit happen to me? Blearg!" _Look at me I can't even finish a fucking sentence without stuttering like a fool._

Contending myself to shutting my mouth I pull off the jacket and shirt I've been wearing and get down to rooting through boxes. "Oh I know all you lovely boxes are going into that spare second bedroom….wait a mo…didn't Tifa say that Squall…something about Barret…aww fuck." I bite off and grab the cell to call Cloud.

"Yo it's Jaycyn; um do you um need a place to crash for a few? I know it's over with Squall and it's none…" I start to ask

"Yes, when is it alright to bring a few things for tonight?" Cloud asks and I could swear it sounded like he was grinning.

_Crap, crap, crap! Where is my damned shirt!_ -_**DING DONG-**_

Walking to the door I forget about the shirt and open it and standing in front of me is Cloud.

"Couldn't wait to ravish me?" _A laugh a fucking laugh is what my toned body gets! Of all the nerve!_

"Sure thing if you're ready to do it right here right now." I laugh and pull him inside and grab his bag off the small porch. "I'm sorry it's messy but at least you know I'm not lying. I'm afraid I don't have a bed or blow up mattress in the second room, but the couch isn't all that bad and I keep it warm enough that you won't freeze at night." I ramble as I unconsciously throw Cloud's bad on my unmade bed.

"If you hear me talking after I lie down, don't pay me any mind. I have rather vivid dreams and Somnambulism* so anything you hear, remember don't pay it any mind."

"Understood, you don't mind that I asked Barret to bring over some of my things do you?" Cloud asks as he goes into my bedroom and grabs his bag.

"Not really now if he bothers me when I'm doing my workout he'll be sorry." I say and do a mock bow and take a loose tai chi pose and in a blink of an eye, Cloud is moving towards me with his right fist aiming for my face.

Trying to think quickly I sidestep to the left and try to use his momentum against himself and he just stops.

"Well you're not completely stupid." Cloud says with a snort and touches my chest. _Oh god _looking down _do not go up do not go up!_ Looking back up to Clouds face I see him smirk and turn around to walk towards the sofa. _Oh, no you don't not this time teme!_

Turning to face Clouds back, I launch myself at him and _**CRASH**_ him and me fly onto the floor with a big **OOMPH**. "Not this time Cloud, you try to get away too quickly after starting something." I say as I grind my hips into your tight jeaned rear end.

"Get off…me Jaycyn." Cloud mutters into the thick carpet and I grind again on him.

"Why should I, you touch my chest and look at my crotch. Hell you've got me clothes that show my ass off! Argh." I sigh and get off of Cloud and adjust myself and try to get my breathing under control.

"Your not going to make it easy on me are you?" I snipe at him

"Why should I? We haven't been on a date and although you are more aggressive then I am, that isn't good for anything." Cloud frowns around the words coming out of his mouth and stands up slowly.

_Why is he moving so slowly? I see he's leaning a little hard on his right side..."_

_ "_So is that why you quit working for the CIA Cloud?" I ask slowly as I go up to him and help him to the sofa.

"No, it's not. And I've never worked for the CIA, who told you that?" Cloud glares at me.

_Oh, nothing except your personnel file I found a while ago while I was bored._

"Oh no reason I just thought only CIA operatives could move that quickly and get past a Master Tai Chi Senpi. Forget I asked alright, told yaw dumb things come out my mouth." I try to cover up my slip by going over the cabinet and grabbing a few pain meds.

"Not really." I barely heard Cloud mumble it.

"Here ya go." I say as I hand over two aspirins and another bottle of water.

"Go lay on my bed alright. I know what it's like to have a bad back and the couch isn't the best place to relax it. I'd say if my tub was bigger you could soak in it, god knows I have enough bath salts to fix it up."

"Alright." Cloud says as he extends a hand and I lift him to his feet.

"I know I know, freakishly strong for a computer nerd I get it." I grumble as I help him to my bed. "Now take of your shirt and pants and I'll get you some boxers. And when I come back be on your stomach." I say as I look at his waist and deem my boxers up to his waist size.

Sitting on the bed Cloud just looks at me and with a shake of his head frowns as he takes off his shirt and I head out of the room to look for my message oils.

_Oh happy day….O happy day!_

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AN: All right, I feel the story has moved on slightly more, or it might just be me and taking slow out to more pages! I wonder if cloud will like the 'message' Jaycyn's going to give him?!

Well R&R there shall be more action and by action I mean smexy smex!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer: This is set in the real world and as such the characters portrayed in this story are naturally going to be OOC, but with only FF7 & FF8 games and Advent Children to go off of, their personalities might conflict in this story.**_

_**In addition, it is rated M for Mature because in up coming chapters there will be hardcore sex, I usually do not enjoy writing it because it sounds stupid to me. But also know that it will be mainly MM couples, there will be pain, violence, vulgarities, humor and more that if you don't understand it or don't care to read about it then don't. I respect peoples reviews (hopefully the story doesn't suck so much that I'll get a few at some point this year) and will do my best to respond to any and all that I get. Now onwards with the story!**_

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Grabbing up the message oils, I quickly realize that the jeans I'm wearing will be restrictive to what I want to do.

_ Gotta find me some running shorts or something and a jock strap! Can't be letting Cloud feel anymore then is necessary and I want to do this as a friend, and not act like a total whore._

Running into the spare bedroom, I quickly find a loose pair of black running shorts and smile a tad, "Now for that jock strap, I know I have one in here!" I say anxiously as I know Cloud is laying in a probably uncomfortable position on my bed, _there we go!" _

I strip out of my jeans and briefs and quickly look at my junk in the mirror, "Now I know why I don't get laid more often." I mutter darkly to myself as I observe the unruly patch, some might say forest, of light brown pubic hair. Lifting up my cock, I make sure that my scrotum is just right, and I see that the last time I had trimmed them up still was just a little fuzzy.

Shaking my head I pull back my foreskin just to make sure it's still clean. "Yeah that would be great having him smell me at my worst!" _Shit!_ I fire off at myself, quickly stop looking at my own cock, balls, and throw on the jock and the running shorts.

Grabbing up the bottles I quickly make my way to the bedroom and knock on the door.

"Hey you still in pain Cloud?" I ask slowly

"No more then I can handle Jaycyn, get in here already." Cloud growls, and me taken aback by what I had hoped was sexual frustration was more likely pain from a sudden movement.

Twisting the doorknob and stepping into the bedroom I instantly went for the light switch and stopped when Cloud told me "No lights."

"Alright just give me a sec to adjust my eyes." I snap at him and slowly find my way to the bed and sit down.

"It's alright if I straddle you to give you a back massage isn't it?"

"As long as it's just a massage and nothing more."

"Alright." _ I swear to god sometimes I can be so fucking eloquent!_

Moving slowly I feel where Clouds legs are and wouldn't you know my hand brushes on top of his slightly fuzzy ass. _Calm down your not 17 anymore you've touched ass before! _ And just as my brain thought this, my cock had to chime in…_Yea but how much ass have you fucked!? You owe us this fucker!_

Breathing deeply I straddle Clouds ass and gulp, "It might be a little cold at first but it'll warm up soon enough." I say and just receive a grunt in turn.

Popping the lid off a peppermint smelling liquid I pour a little stream all over Clouds wide back and close the lid just as quickly. _Now he'll see just how good my hands really are!_

Starting off lightly down at the base of his back I mutter, "Stop me if I hurt you." "Alright."

Working his tight muscles in my hands, I almost stop as I feel a raised line on his skin, but I press on. Feeling out the tightness of peoples back was like a gift for me, no matter who it was or what age. I could always work out a kink or a knot and I usually got a murmur or gasp or grunt for my hard work. But I could tell that Cloud was not relaxing, "Now if you're going to be tense and fight me on this it won't work." I laugh and grind into his ass just in play.

"You said it was just a massage, and I'm not tense. I just haven't had someone message my back before." Cloud talks into the pillow but luckily just loud enough that I can make out what he's saying.

"It is just a massage, but if you want some of this oil could accidentally slip down your furry crack and my cock could just fall out of my jock." I tease and I'd be doubly fucked and damned that his ass clenched up tighter then Fort Knox.

"Alright I'll have none of that now Cloud! I'm just teasing you; I'd never stoop down to raping an unwilling guy. If you don't trust me then trust that. I'll be right back!" I jump up and slap Clouds ass and go to my little cd player in the bedroom and punch in a cd I made for sleeping.

Getting back on top of Cloud I whisper in his ear, "Don't worry, just listen to the music and let me do my job." As if on cue, the music starts up….

You can do no wrong  
in my eyes; in my eyes,  
you can do no wrong  
in my eyes, in my eyes

Your speakers are blowing  
your ears are wrecking  
your hearing damage  
you wish you felt better  
you wish you felt better.

You can do no wrong  
in my eyes, in my eyes  
you can do no wrong  
in my eyes, in my eyes  
in my...

Letting the music wash over me I quietly thank _**Thom Yorke**_ and his song _**Hearing Damage***_

"Are you alright Cloud?" I whisper as I finish up with the message.

"Thanks Jaycyn I needed that. Now if you don't mind why don't I put on some boxers?" A slight tinge of red hues Clouds cheeks.

Rolling him over was a feat in itself, now straddling his half-hard cock I snicker. "So how does it feel now that the shoes on the other foot.

"It's not that comfortable now that you mention it, would you get off…me"

"Now that's a strange way to ask Cloud, get off me? Aight." I say as I get off him and head to the bathroom to wash my hands and clean up. With the words of _**Hearing Damage**_ in my mind memories start to flood through.

_"Is that all I am to you Jaycyn? Just a guinea pig, something for you to test shit on and get discarded when you're done?"_

_ "You know what fuck you Sephiroth! Your one masochistic little shit that begs to be beat with whips and tied down. Get out of my sight!"_

_ "Oh is that how it's going to be you little cunt!?" _

_ Violently bright green eyes stare into my soul and silver hair flashes past my face as all the air in my lungs leaves my body._

_ "What….fuck"_

_ Again, a fist is pummeling my body and all I can see is silver._

_ "Get away from him…NOW!" A voice yells, and after what seems like hours...no a lifetime someone is kneeling next to me._

_ "What did you do to deserve this…?"_

Shaking my head to remove the bad taste in my brain, I open the door and smell cigarette smoke. _Well well, and I haven't even fucked him yet._ I think darkly to myself and make my way out to the refrigerator to grab two beers. Popping the tops off them, I turn back to the bedroom and pause, then continue to the door just as I'm getting ready to open it. I hear a flurry of clothes and I giggle.

"So what you don't want me to see you nude? For a CIA guy you sure are shy of your body. No matter I'm coming in now, I have beers." I laugh and walk in to see a fully nude Cloud, _now I'll get me some of that tight perky ass!_ My cock thinks as he tries to spring to life.

"No I'm not shy of my body, it's just not proper to be nude in someone else's bedroom unless you plan on doing something." Cloud mutters as he reaches out for a beer and I let him take it.

Taking a swig of beer, I look him up and down. _So he does have hair under all those clothes._ I think as I see nicely trimmed chest and pubic hair. And apparently he was born in America or else he'd have foreskin.

"So what's it like to have big balls Cloud?" I joke with him but imagine myself in-between his legs sucking those big and heavy globes.

Sputtering over the comment, I see a crimson blush fill his face, but he never turns around. _Must be those scars on his back, but wait there are scars on his chest, abdomen, and around his upper left thigh._

Striding over acting as if I'm going to sit on the bed, I reach down and hold…or rather try to hold both his balls in my hands.

"Damn!" I mutter to myself as I let go of them and actually sit down.

Coughing slightly Cloud joins me on the bed; although the room is very dark with the shades pulled, I can't keep my eyes off his groin.

"So what's it like without foreskin Cloud?" I ask seriously

"I could ask the same thing to you. But then we wouldn't get anywhere."

"Hey who told you I was….Oh very fucking funny! I swear to god I'm getting mentally lazy." I sputter as Cloud barks laughter. _He is so innocent looking when he laughs._

"I honestly didn't think you'd fall for that dobe." Cloud continues to laugh and grows serious. "Either way it's none of my business, I wouldn't be a good operative if I didn't know at least something about you Jaycyn."

"Take for example that you were born in a small village in Ireland, attended the local schools and university. Moved to a place called Provo, UT when you were 16 and knocked out the entire power grid for the western United States later that year. Before going to court; CIA, FBI and DOD each questioned you for four days each. Afterwards your real name was erased and you were drafted into the international data antiterrorist unit. After which a man named Hojo contacted and placed you into his 'MAKO' Program where you did unknown tests and data manipulation that brought you to know of certain high-ranking people. Does that sound about right?" Cloud looks at the carpet as he pulls out another smoke and lights it.

All I could do was sit and stare at the ceiling. "Yeah its true enough I suppose. You also forgot to include that a man named Sephiroth raped me repeatedly. Oh or was that taken out of my dossier?" I ask waspishly, chug the beer, and throw the empty can at the wall.

"All I know of you is that your way too nice to me too not want something in return. And that you don't have that much money in you bank account seems like Squall emptied it out…" I turn to look at him but find my back slammed against a wall and gasp.

"Don't. Ever. Say. His. Name. Again." Cloud chokes out and releases my shirt.

Panting as I try to wrap my head around what happened; I feel heat in my face as I try to understand the sudden outburst.

"Seems like your back feels better." I say quietly and chuckle at the sheer stupidity that is myself.

"Look you're a nice enough dude, and you're helping me out more then I am. Seems Vincent already knew you were in Atlanta and wanted you to work for him, all I did was give you a ride. You hardly have any clothes so I found some that suited you, I didn't plan to move into your place. I didn't plan on…Squall…and all his cold hearted bullshit." Cloud pauses in his story to light yet another fag, then another. Handing it to me, he continues.

"Why do you think I'm here and not working Jaycyn, haven't you stopped to think about that yet?" Cloud murmurs around the smoke.

"It's not really my business really Cloud, you could tell me or not I wouldn't mind nor care either way. I know I could find out most of it if I wanted, too my clearance level is still high enough for it. But anyways, don't worry about it you still need to shower to get that oil off your body and cover your cock its way too tempting." I swallow hard as I try to busy my mind with going over computer language.

"Hahaha, you are strange Jaycyn, most guys if they are lucky enough to see this much, are ready to fuck me raw." Cloud doesn't blush at this but starts to walk over to me…_Sephiroth stalking closer to me to rip off my shorts and violate me further with his vileness…._NOOOO, get the fuck away from me!" I shout as I knock Cloud over and move to the far side of the bedroom.

Crumpling to the ground I curse myself as I hear a pained moan escape my lips, "Don't, just don't touch me. Go shower I'll be fine Cloud." I gasp out, as my anxiety isn't quite manageable.

"I'm…fuck I'm stupid." Cloud mutters out and I hear the door lock then close.

_Why can't I get those memories out of my mind, the smells, and the details? It's been two years since I've seen him, since I had to deal with his unwanted advances. Two years and I still don't know who found me, bathed me, and patched me up. Who was it?!?!_

"Jaycyn, it's Cloud. I locked the door so you know that I'm not going to hurt you, but I left my clothes in there and I don't have any clothes to change into. Can I come in and get them?" Cloud speaks in pure honey words, comfort, and understanding.

"One second, I need to compose myself." I blurt out and stand up, bringing up a hand I feel tears. _When was I crying?_ Wiping the tears away, I light a fag up and make my way to the door.

Opening the door, I freeze and just stare at Cloud. Unruly brown hair, his kind face and eyes, his toned chest and abs. His placid thick length, and the light around him from the sunshine inside the loft light his golden brown skin* and I feel tears well up in my eyes once more.

_This is not in anyway Sephiroth. He could never be this soft and caring; his whole body is made for pain. From his slender frame to his long skinny fingers, his slightly hooked cock tearing the insides of his victims…No this man is not Sephiroth._

"Sorry….for spazzing out on you. Can't you tell most of my money goes to a third rate shrink that knows less then I do in psych." I strangle out the words and close my eyes.

_Well there goes that gorgeously nice man._

Feeling arms wrap around me I keep my eyes closed and just relish in the warmth of Cloud. Feeling his arms tighten around me his chest pressed against mine, and best of all his entire groin pressed next to mine. But for some strange reason our cocks never even thought about raising up to demand attention. This hug was a thank you, it was 'I'm Sorry', it was and is acceptance.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: I forgot to put on the last fic that I forgot whether or not if Cloud was tanned or just normal white skin toned. And even though my title is, "The year my life changed" do not think I am going to write day to day. That would be tedious and take way too much of my life away from me. I'm not going to skip months, but maybe a week here or there unless the month is very important to the characters. Imma tell you I was telling Mr. Cloud and Mr. Jaycyn to get it on right there on the bed, but I'll be damned if they wanted to take the story somewhere else!

_**WARNINGS: THIS STORY IS MEANT FOR 18 AND UP IF YOUR YOUNGER THEN THAT GO AWAY. THERE IS ALSO GAY SEX, VULGAR LANGUAGE, AND BLOOD. ALSO I DON'T OWN FF9 NOR FF7 CHARACTERS! I DO OWN TWO CRAZY ASSED CATS THOUGH!**_

Oh yeah, just moved and net has been out so I'm missing all the fabulous writings of all my favorite authors, you should check them out on my profile page under Favorite Authors! On with the story!

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Chapter 5

Days pass in a blur what with Cloud and Barret fighting over where Clouds furniture should go. And asking me if it was all right to paint, that was a bubbly girl named…I think Selphie. So much activity to move in one person I thought my head was going to explode and not in a good, much needed way.

"Jaycyn. Jaycyn. Jaycyn, Jaycyn, Jaycyn, Jaycyn, Jaycyn!" An excited voice yells.

"What Selphie!? What do you want, are you still going on about painting the whole loft? No, I said no, I like the steel grey! It's manly and it hides the nicotine build up! Just ask Cloud what he wants his room to be painted and leave me alone, I have work to do." I snap at her but smile in the end, it's too hard to stay mad at her.

"But…but…but…but…but!"

"No now go!"

_Now I might get an hour or two to finish these reports. It's getting a little annoying to have Vincent show up on my front door, asking if I'm done or not._

"Cloud come're, wanna see something cool?" I snicker as he comes over.

"Let's just see what Vincent does when he doesn't have a meeting." I say as I dial up the surveillance cameras in his office.

As the computers internet buffers the video, the audio is heard.

_ That's right sucks my cock._

Cloud and I blush, but stare at the screen as a familiar face is seen bobbing up and down on Vincent's long skinny cock.

"Oh my god that Squall!" Cloud blurts out as I turn back to the footage I see that Vincent has already unloaded on his face when I shut down the video feed.

"Wow guess that wasn't that cool. Want me to drain his bank accounts and leave a paper trail that he deposited it all into your bank?" I sneer at the now gone image of Squall and let my fingers fly across the keyboard.

"No, its fine Jaycyn he doesn't have a job and what he does is his own business now." Cloud says but looks down at the floor. "Maybe you could leave him a hundred bucks, and take the rest." Cloud still looks down as I get close to his face and stare at him.

"Well…do I have to get on my knees between yours and pull your cock out for you to look at me?" I snicker at him and slap his left thigh to try to provoke him.

"No, you don't have to do that, but it would be great to see his reaction when he can't get money." Cloud says dejectedly but then laughs at the thought.

"Alright stud, I'm putting it into your account and changing your pin number so only you can access the money." Smiling at him, I quickly fly over the keyboard and in a matter of minutes; all but one hundred bucks are in Clouds account.

"Well this calls for a beer. Let's get a shower and leave Selphie and Barret to cleaning up the place for you." Standing up I grab onto clouds upper left arm and drag him into a bear hug. "Your just too easy sir." I snicker at him and receive a punch in the gut.

"I am never too easy Jaycyn." Cloud mutters but lets a smirk touch his face as he sees me looking into his eyes. But there it is again, that easy hug, that feeling of familiarity, which I just couldn't place.

"Are we going to shower, or are we just going to stand here all day holding each other?" Cloud murmurs in my ear.

"All day would be fine with me, ah hell, I'll go start the shower. In my bedroom closet there are towels, I don't remember if I put two or just the one in the bathroom. And seeing as those two are still here grabbing us some clothes if you don't mind." Smiling at the nicely styled Cloud I chuckle at myself and head for the bathroom.

Pulling back the curtain and bending over, I quickly adjust the hot water and cool water so that the water coming out of the two shower heads lets out gout of warm steam.

"You sure that isn't too hot?" Cloud asks his mouth a little too close to my ear.

"Jesus Christ Cloud, if you want me to have a heart attack just do that again! No, it's not that hot. It's all the humidity in the loft or something like that, I forget. So clothes, towels, and your hot ass. I think we are ready for the shower, you know the drill." I prompt him as usual.

Turning around I undress very slowly, not for a sexual strip tease, but to let enough time go by that Cloud can undress and get into the back half of the shower. "You ready." I ask and receive a grunt.

_After a week you'd think he wouldn't care to share a shower with me, I'm guessing it's those scars he _hides,_ but I've never had the gall to just come right out and say it._

Stepping into the other side of the shower, I busy myself with shampooing my hair and scrubbing my face with a fragrant face scrub. Grabbing up a bottle of….this isn't my body wash. Without thinking, I turn around and bump right into Clouds round pert ass.

"Whoops, I think I have your body wash Cloud. What's wrong?" I ask as I grab my body wash and swap it with his.

"Nothing is wrong; I forgot to switch them back last night. So…my…markings. You don't find them odd?"

"Not really, I wasn't going to say anything about them. Not my place you know."

"What about those marks on your back?"

"Turn around Cloud." I mutter and finish up with my shower, getting out of the shower but leaving it running, I try to hide my now constant hard on. _This is getting ridiculous, why don't I just beat off when he's out. 'It's because you want to impress him when you blow your load!' _My cock and balls chime in. _Well then go down and stay down! _I yell at them.

Just standing there, I mentally shake myself and dry off slowly so the clothes won't stick on my skin, and just as I bend over to get my toes. I see a second pair of feet behind me.

"What the hell, get away from my ass!" I bark and flinch at the sound.

Now when I heard of people 'jumping out of their skin' I laughed…now I know exactly what they were talking about as Clouds hand brushes against the lines on my back.

"Just like mine." Cloud murmurs and draws his hand back.

"But you have more than I do. He doesn't like his pets to go very far it seems." And just saying the word 'he' makes me shiver slightly.

"Yeah he didn't like that at all." Cloud strains out.

Standing back up pleased that my feet and calves are dry, I turn around slowly and see the crisscross latticework of the scars on Clouds back.

Running my hand lightly over them I see him flinch and then steady himself. "If I still had access to my swords, I'd give him something to remember me by Cloud. No one needs nor deserves our marks." I say as I press my eager member against his rump, lean over and brush a kiss on his back.

"Sorry." I say

"About what? That I took your place when he beat you close to a coma?" Cloud snipes at me then gathers his clothes and leaves the bathroom stark nude.

"For that and not being as tough as you." I whisper to the closed door.

As I pull on the last of my clothes, a voice shrills through the door, "JAYCYN! What did you do to my Cloudy?! I swear to the gods I'd come in there right now and chop your dick off if you hurt him!" Selphie yells

"I didn't do anything now back off!" I yell as I fling open the door and stomp out.

"Where did he go, and no noise I tell you! Just where did he go?!"

"He flew out here buck assed naked and very pissed. I heard him muttering in his room as he was dressing and then he left. His car is still in the driveway so he couldn't have gotten very far." Selphie explains with many hand motions and far too much energy.

_I know right where he is!_

Pulling on my trench coat and slamming the door behind me, I him the stairs then pavement at a dead run. _Seventh Heaven it's the only place I know of that is close to the house, I just hope he's actually there!_ Rounding the corners of the street I bust into the bar and see a very red faced Tifa standing behind the bar.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing Jaycyn!? You better be gone before I get my gloves on." Tifa warns low and darkly

"Hey now, I'm just looking for Cloud. He flew out of my house like there was a giant pussy monster trying to get him! Shit!" I yell out as Tifa actually leaps over the bar and begins to try to hit me with all her strength.

"Calm down, I don't like fighting with little women." I cringe as I know this will only piss her off further.

"_Little….women! _I'll show you little." Tifa snarls as her fists and legs move all the faster in an attempt to smash me into a gooey paste.

Dodging left and right and swatting her hands away from my face and chest, my breath starts getting shorter and my left leg starts to cramp up.

"Enough Tifa!" I yell as I bend low and twist with my leg out to trip her. Knowing the faint Tifa lazily jumps over it and receives an open palm thrust to her abdomen.

"Where is he Tifa? I really didn't do anything to him, we just got out of the shower." I tell her our conversation and receive glares and mutters as she looks at the ground.

"Squall picked him up a few minutes before you got here."

"How the fuck did he get here so quickly! Oh and another little tidbit is Squall's a little whore that will suck anything with a dick. Squall and I both saw him sucking Vincent off in his office, now where does this prick live?" I ask low and dangerous.

"Cloud never told me Jaycyn, I know he drives a Miata but that's all. If that little fag does anything to Cloud I'll rip his dick off and shove it down his throat!" Tifa all but smashes a table in her rage.

"That's enough Tifa, you don't have to go busting up your bar just to hide me." A voice that sounds like Cloud drifts down the stairs.

"Cloud? What did I do, did I hurt you?" I ask as I inch closer to that beautiful voice.

"No, you didn't, too many memories at once. We aren't dating Jaycyn, we are just roommates. And you aren't into me, it's probably just your lack of pussy that had you hard when I bent over." Cloud pours acid into his words.

"What, why did you think I was straight? The beer, the way I smoke or walk. What, you don't know anything Cloud. Who was it who raped and beat me to a near coma? Sephiroth, the same fucked up maniac that did the same to you. But you are stronger then I was, you got away! You know what fuck it, you obviously didn't trust me to give you a back massage or with your memories. So I'm going back home, do what you want." I start to feel tears fall down my face with the onslaught of emotions as I open the bar's door open and walk out into the cold grey day.

_God's-Damned leg!_ I scream at myself as I fall onto the side of a building and catch my breath. "I'm pathetic, no other words for it. Can't walk right, can't love anyone, shitfire I can't even be a friend to a great guy." Yelling at the pavement on the ground, I hoist myself up and use the wall as a support. _Just a little further until your home Jaycyn, pull yourself together!_ I uselessly yell at myself and chuckle darkly.

"Great talking to myself and myself talks back, MPD much!" I find that my chuckles have become cackles and I quickly steel myself for what comes next. My eyes start to get blurry, I try to swipe the humiliating tears out of my eyes but fail as more take their place. "Just another left and I'm home. Warm water, smokes, and Irish coffee." I prattle to myself trying to keep the burning in my leg down to only a bearable pain. Looking at my left hand, I stop and start to really feel the concrete building. From its tiny pores to it's almost sand paper like texture, "When did I stop feeling the world around me? Had to have started when I thought only numbers and letters were reality and not this." Chuckling once again at my idocy, I find myself closer to my home. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! SELPHIE HELP ME!" I scream out as I fall down three stairs.

"Jaycyn, what the hell happened to you! Where is Cloud?! What is going on?! Why are you limping?! Huh, huh, HUH!"

"Selphie please shut the fuck up, I'm in a lot of pain, and my left leg has had tons of surgery done on it and now is not the time to yell at me! I need help up this devil-damned staircase, then I need a long soak and lots of alcohol. In that order, then I will tell you what I found out. Deal?!" I ask as I start feeling my head get light.

"Deal." Selphie mutters lowly. "Up we go!" She grabs my midsection and for a few seconds I could have sworn that we were going to go cartwheeling down the stairs. But color me surprised when she could actually hold me upright enough to deposit me on the bathrooms floor.

"What do they feed you women around here! You held me up, Tifa shattered a table and goddess knows what Barret is hiding. Ow, ow. Pills, top drawer of nightstand. Three and some vodka, now!" I hoarsely yell out. _Pills and vodka down my throat, check, now hot water. I need to start soaking._

"Selphie as soon as I have the bath water high enough and the shower curtains drawn tight come in shut off the light and I'll tell you what happened. All of it, but you had better be quiet or else." I growl aloud.

"Or else what you'll flop your cock on me? Please growing up around Seifer, Cid, and Zell I can handle myself bitch!" Selphie titters and soon enough I'm lieng in the wonderfully hot water. Light immediately go out and I hear a lighter going off.

"Here" Selphie grunts as she parts the curtains a little way to hand me a smoke.

"Thanks, alright onto what happened. You pretty much know we came into shower because of some unsettling images and audio we saw and heard. We planned on getting a drink at seventh heaven to wash the memories out. But For some damned reason I started to bring up the past. Where we used to work, and how I had acquired some very odd marks on my back and legs. One thing or another was said and boom out flew Cloud. I found him at Tifa's but not after she went through a whole song and dance…shit…about Squall…and she tried to…fight…shattered…Cloud…..please." I lose myself in the blackness and the warm water and dream.

_**Bursts of colors light up the sky, "Fourth of July already, but it's only January." Voice yell asking me questions about how I'm doing and if I mourned the loss of Cloud. **_**"WHAT?"**_** 'I'll always be there' a voice calls out…"Wait, where am I? I need to find Cloud and bring him back, he doesn't know everything about Sephiroth." 'Wait for me' "Always."**_

Gasping for breath, I dart up into a sitting position and clench my stomach. "What the hell is going on!" I force out of my tired jaws.

"Jaycyn, you passed out. I think I might have given you four instead of three. I'm sorry, I just wanted you to not hurt anymore and get to feeling better. But as you were telling me your story, you started to dose off and it got strange. I didn't understand it. So I got Barret here to dry you off and get you into bed. There was a cd in the player so I turned it on while I sat and tried to contact Tifa. But as usual, she is playing stupid, but she plays it so smartly. Jaycyn! Are you even listening to me? I saved your life!" She jumps up and down and acts like she is healing me with her hands.

I chuckle as I clamp a hand on my stomach. "I heard you harpy, and away with your magick, I don't wish to be turned into a frog. Then I would really have no luck with Cloud." I tease her and reach for a smoke, seeing, as I don't remember the last one in the tub.

"Jaycyn, I'm leaving you in Selphie's hands. Be afraid, I'm going to sort out that boy and we'll be back I swear." Barret's deep voice booms.

"So what's the plan chief? Are we going to tie up Cloud when he gets here? I heard he likes that kind of thing, he must have spazzed out for a reason. Ya know, because we see the way he looks at you. Almost like a lost puppy, he follows you around and we don't know why. He's never been warm towards anyone except…Squall…never mind." Selphie mutters to herself and plops on the end of the bed.

"I know why Selphie, but you have to swear on whatever you hold dear that you won't tell anyone. Alright?" Nod "Alright you or at least Barret saw my back and the scars on it and my thighs and left knee. When I was working up in Washington for a special works department, I met a man Named Sephiroth. He was strong quick and kind. But little did I know that he liked to hurt his 'toys'. I was one of them for two years. Now I could have fought like a bastard, but in the end, it wouldn't have done anything except make him kill me. One day I had grown a pair and stood up to him; I shout things he didn't want to hear and received my knee wound, the scars on my back and thighs and was almost put into a coma. I don't know who saved me, but Clouds scars and the disappearance of Sephiroth started my brain." I cough a little over all the talking but I trudge on.

"He must have been the one to save me, but for the life of me I never saw his personnel and mission files. I don't know why he was stationed in our complex. But, for someone so young to be stationed in there meant that he was worthy of the job. Now I can't go spilling the beans on what we were working on cause that's treason. But suffice it to say that we would have changed the world with our research. Sephiroth knew it and so did Hojo, the only thing those two want is more wealth and power. Which they would have never gotten with the program. Whew I digress, so when I was behind Cloud, and very turned on, something must of snapped in him. I assume it was like my PTSS I had a few days ago." I bite off the last statement and snub my hardly smoked on cig.

Looking at Selphie I see her eyes grow large, and of course, a harpy like squeal escapes her small mouth.

"If you could teach me how to do that dear lady I and my partners would love you till the end of time!" I snicker and receive a pillow thrown full power at my unprotected face.

"You listen here, what you're saying makes sense. Cloud did seem to follow you the first day you moved into town and had a drink at the bar! And he turned down Squall to live here, Squall may have been a whore, well he still is. But not when it came to Cloud! One look at them when they were together and bam! It was like a storm, the next they looked like they loved each other. And you showed up and Cloud left, well there might have been reasons behind it but ehh what the hell. Are you feeling better? Finish that smoke and I'll turn up the heat and the music and you lay right back down." Selphie ordered me, but it felt more like concern. _I'm not made of glass harpy, although this mattress and pillow are quite cozy now that I think about it._

My eyes close, my breathing slows, and right at the cusp of a dream a weight is beside me. "Don't hit me! Just please don't!" I sob out and feel a hand press against my cheek.

"Jaycyn it's just me, sleep I'll be here." Cloud murmurs into my ear as he begins to softly sing a song to me.

Eyes on Me By Faye Wong

I never sang my songs  
On the stage, on my own  
I never said my words  
Wishing they would be heard  
I saw you smiling at me  
Was it real or just my fantasy  
You'd always be there in the corner  
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you  
Same old songs, just once more  
My last night here with you?  
Maybe yes, maybe no  
I kind of liked it your way  
How you shyly placed your eyes on me  
Did you ever know?  
That I had mine on you

My breathing slowed but I never returned to sleep instead I laid there quietly listening to this golden haired beauty sing to me.

Darling, so there you are  
With that look on your face  
As if you're never hurt  
As if you're never down  
Shall I be the one for you  
Who pinches you softly but sure  
If frown is shown then  
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you  
Close as I wanted to be  
Close enough for me  
To feel your heart beating fast  
And stay there as I whisper  
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me  
Did you ever know  
That I had mine on you

I felt like I could have flown as I listened to his deep voiced lyrics.

Darling, so share with me  
Your love if you have enough  
Your tears if you're holding back  
Or pain if that's what it is  
How can I let you know  
I'm more than the dress and the voice  
Just reach me out then  
You will know that you're not dreaming

Darling, so there you are  
With that look on your face  
As if you're never hurt  
As if you're never down  
Shall I be the one for you  
Who pinches you softly but sure  
If frown is shown then  
I will know that you are no dreamer

And suddenly I felt wetness plop on my forehead. Blinking rapidly I look up into Clouds bright; clear, blue, tear filled eyes and slowly raise my head up to kiss his full lips.

"You are stronger than me Jaycyn, two years you put up with that man and his…_vileness_…I couldn't even keep him interested in me for more than two months. But finally I saw you limp too many days in a row and I snapped, why did you ever put up with it?" Cloud asks as his voice breaks and tears continue to fall down his face.

"I had to Cloud, who else would have put up with his bullshit and lived? I worked there so he thought he owned me, him smelling my scent forced me to be his pet. I thought it was a harmless fling, something I could laugh about and use it to take my mind off work! But we know how that turned out, now stop soaking my chest and forgive yourself. I know you were the one that stopped him from putting me into a coma, and in turn, you received his marks. So are we cool now, cause I've got to piss and I don't think Barret wanted to dress me." I chuckle as I swing my right, then left leg off the bed and prepare to stand.

A sudden flair of pain shoots up my thigh to nerves in my back and I all but crumple had Cloud not been right there to catch me.

"You wound is that bad?

"No the surgery was that bad Cloud; Tifa is a tad quicker than me and wore out my leg. Would have been better if I just smacked her one good time, but then I wouldn't be any better than Sephiroth." I grunt as I lean on Cloud and make my way out of the bedroom into the bathroom.

"Don't drop me now, holding the snake and trying not to make a mess when you have the shakes is bad enough!" I laugh loudly and a snort escapes my nose. A dark blush blooms on my face as I grab hold and take aim, only now that I'm half mast it makes pissing all the harder. _Pun so intended! 'Shut up, you're not having Clouds ass yet!' my brain snaps at my now deflating cock._

"Cloud don't watch." I ask politely and see him turn his head and start humming.

"So it is true, want some help with the foreskin?" Clouds laughter reverberates through his chest into my left arm.

"No thank you I've got it, besides I need to piss not get hard!" I groan as I finish my business and flick the shaft a few times to get the stray drops.

"Aren't you going to flush?" Cloud asks with mouthful of perfectly straight white teeth.

"No I don't think I will _Mother_." I almost screech at him.

"I'd say boyfriend that fits better." Cloud mutters and winks.

"No way Cloud, I can make my way back to the bed myself. You still have a lot to explain for, and Tifa had better bring me over a case of Heineken to apologize for making me want to kill Squall. You call her and I will get dressed, I have a cane you might like Cloud." Snickering I limp into my bedroom and head to the closet, grabbing up the solid black cane with a dragonhead cast in pure titanium.

Leaning heavily on the cane, still nude, I make my way to the living room. Slamming the cane on the ground, Cloud whips his head around as I bring the sword out of the sheath and enter the Jodan Kamae stance. My sword raised above my head, I begin my novice stances then move onto the adept stances all in fluid motions. _I know I shouldn't show him this but he did bare his feelings to me. This is the least I can do for him_.

Trying to keep weight off of my left leg was slowing my moves down but lucky for me I was just demonstrating my knowledge of sword combat. Finishing off with the sword back in Jodan Kamae I bring it down and sheath it.

"A katana would make your moves more effective, I have one that I think you'll like." Cloud stated simply and I couldn't help my jaw dropping down.

"That's…all..you…could…say?!" I all but snap then laugh as I see Cloud's eyes on my exposed groin. "You need to get laid." I state simply as I turn and thump my way to the bedroom.

"Think your man enough?" The playful snideness of his retort stops me.

"Man enough to make you moan and writhe like a whore." I retort without turning around.

_Yes, I will get his ass soon…so soon. My cock and balls chime in as the tense up with longing._

"We'll see." Cloud whispers in my ear.

"What the fuck, I told you not to do that! Warn me, or I will show you what me and my _sword_ can really do." I remark with a yawn.

As I lift my left leg up, Cloud crushes me in a hard hug. His very hard bulge pressing into my tight ass makes me moan. Trying to crush the sound my cock springs almost straight up as I feel Cloud's rough hand travel to my left nipple. Squeezing it roughly, I buck back into his straining cock. Trying to turn around Cloud uses his right hand to travel to happy trail. Playing with my coarse hair, he chuckles darkly as he slowly inches down to my navel and bumps my cock head.

"My someone is big, and thick. You just might be man enough to make me scream" Cloud brings his mouth to my lower neck and bites down hard enough where pain and pleasure is blurred.

"Holy…fuck!" I moan out as I quickly step forward and whip around to face Cloud. My cock point straight to him like a target I blush as he moves closer to me then in one fluid movement, plus a bit of pain, I flip him onto my bed.

"Now stop it Cloud!" I bark out as I see him grab his denim-covered bulge.

"Seriously Cloud, we'll have sex but not right now. I think those pills are still in my system, great they are." I croak out as my legs buckle.

"I'm sorry Jaycyn. You have to believe me, I thought you were okay." Cloud says in that strange monotone tone he uses.

"Well help my ass up I'll be better on the bed. I'm getting tired of being the only nude person in this loft! Strip I command it!" Laughing like a mad scientist, I throw up my right arm and get hauled up to the bed. Cloud stands facing me and takes his shirt off, a slight down of blondish brown hair lays flat against his chest and a long thin _manscaped_ happy trail leads under his jeans.

"Just me taking off my shirt does that too you?" Cloud asks calmly

"Well yeah it does, I'm buck assed naked you'd think you could see if I was hard or not! I've always liked masculine guys, you have a very nice chest, and you've got hair. Awesome is all I can say!" I respond enthusiastically.

"How big are you, I mean it just looks big." Cloud asks as he turns around to take off his socks and jeans.

"Well one day we will whip out the ruler and figure it out. I know I'm thick though." Unaware that I'm just rambling while watching Cloud undress I swallow hard.

"So being nude doesn't bother you? What about my scars…oh right…never mind. Did you know that there are some guys that can get off just by thinking about it hard?" Cloud throws back the questions as he walks out to the kitchen to get the two beers.

"Yeah I've see porn that had it in there, but sadly my sexual experiences have been limited to small dicked, losers that were more concerned with trying to fuck me over. Little did they know I'd be the one fucking them, thank you." I pause and take a swig of the ice-cold Holland beer.

"So I bet your relationships never worked out did they?"

"Not really, hell I'm only 24 but I'd like to think that I have a good head on my shoulders. They were too worried about clubs and clothes and dick sizes…strike that…they were more concerned with how tight their next fuck was." I bite off my remarks as if my teeth were made of steel.

"Easy now tiger or I'll have to figure out some way to get rid of that pent up anger."

Pointing down to my now constant bonner, I snicker and take another swig of my drink.

"So now you've drilled me…with questions. How about you answer your own for me. That is if you want too."

"Alright light me a smoke and be prepared to be bored!" He chuckles as I hand him a lit smoke and takes a deep breath.

"Does seeing you without a shirt make me hard? Yeah, how big am I? I think last time I checked it was eight, so I guess I'm big for a white guy. And as you saw I have donkey balls, don't laugh!" Cloud quips but laughter bubbles from me anyways.

"And I know you like them so, does being nude or mostly nude in front of you bother me? Not really, and my last ex could get off if I told him too. But where is the fun in that, he popped off and went to sleep leaving me hard. Oh well, can't pick a winner every time. The thing that ruined my relationships was the power struggles, I'd make a suggestion for a sex position and it ended up making my dick go down with all the bitching. So now I just go with the flow, much easier and safer that way." Cloud finishes the beer and drops the now thoroughly smoked cig in the bottle.

"You know you can touch me if you want, maybe if you touched my scars yours wouldn't bother you so much." The statement whispers out of my mouth as I extinguish the cigarettes butt.

"As much as I would love to see how you handle your other sword, Tifa will be over any moment so I'll get you some clothes. Sound okay to you?" He says as he heads towards the closet to grab a pair of faded denim jeans with holes strategically placed.

"Where is your underwear drawer? Or do you even feel like wearing underwear?" Clouds asks and I shake my head in the negative.

Walking infront of me he bundles up the shirt and gets ready to put it on me…or he would have if I hadn't pulled down his briefs and took his semi hard dick in my mouth.

"We don't have time for that Jaycyn…Oh my god where did you learn that!" He huffs out as I fondle his balls.

Slowly letting his cock fall out of my mouth I tilt my head to lick at one of his tight large globes. Licking and sucking on it for a time I move to the other so it won't feel left out. Now that he's fully hard I take a deep breath and widen my mouth to accommodate his thick length. Slowly and widen my mouth to accomodate iso slowly wiide dow of his tight large globes. Licking and sucking on itng down his length, I feel his head hit the back of my throat but I go down even further so that my nose is touching is neatly trimmed bush. Reaching towards his balls, I fondle them as I hum and start sucking harder on his now hard as steel cock.

Moving faster on both his balls and cock, I hear his breath hitch and feel his thick load pour down my throat. Still sucking to extract all the salty but kinda sweet load I pull back and look up at Cloud's face. Chuckling at his flushed face and heavy breathing I grab up my shirt and jeans and dress.

"Isn't it your turn now?" Cloud stammers

"Nope grab a smoke and get ready for Tifa to come over." I say as I slap his ass as he turns.

* * *

post A/N Alright so I tried my hand at a blowjob! Did it feel awkward or rather read awkward? and yupp this story is a tad longer at something like 6k words and they will only get longer!


	6. Chapter 6

AN: previous disclaims still apply, I don't own supernatural nor do I make money from these fanfics (no duhr) I still own my carton of smokes and my .64oz jug of trusty dr pepper ;)

* * *

"_Are you alright Sam, you got really quite?" Learen asks gently as he places his right hand on Sams shoulder._

"Oh, yeah I'm fine. What was your question?" Sam asks absentmindedly

"Crap, seems like I've forgotten it. Guess it wasn't important." Learen responds seeing as questions about Dean and Sam as they were younger seemed to put Sam in a daze.

"So I do remember one thing when I was hurt and laying on the bed. You seemed to wonder how I got the scars on my back." Learen sees Sam mouth open a little but presses on.

"Well after Leif and the inconclusive findings of Roanoke, our expedition was recalled and those of my order called me to the stand. They wanted to know Leif and I found, and I retold all that we saw and presumed. I also related what later happened with Leif; they were not pleased at the mention of a daemon at all. I was eventually flogged for making false claims and exiled to America to live out the remainder of my life. Around the Salem Witch Trials someone, I never found out whom, began spreading rumors of my powers and how I had healed a newborn of TB. Those poor men and women that were killed still haunt my dreams. Eventually I was released because of my accuser confessing that he felt wronged that I was making more money then he was. The church and court had the man stand before me and ask how I was to handle his punishment; I told him that he was to flog me until he didn't think I wronged him. I lost count of how many times he raised his hand to me; I was later told that he had striped me 57 times. Later that year he killed himself over the guilt of the events he put into motion; I left Salem and begun traveling the roads and expanding my knowledge. I felt that if this was how humanity has evolved, I was not going to have a part in it. So I removed myself from civilization and only came out to hear news of the wars and find books and tobacco. You've got to remember Sam, I've lived in a time so much different then what you're accustomed to. I've marveled over how quickly society can change but only when it's endangered of getting taken over." Learen pauses for a breath and begins to talk again as he washes Sams' toned and tanned back.

"I don't think whatever happened in your past is going to make Dean think anything wrong about who you are now. I've seen how close he is to you; remember when he walked in the bedroom?" Learen chuckles at the memory and sees Sam smile. "I think he was coming up to see if you were comfortable sleeping, and probably more to see if I wasn't molesting his younger brother." Learen laughs aloud again and covers his mouth.

"Learen, what's so funny?" Sam turns around and leans against one side of the tub.

"Dean's face and that he…" Learen lowers his voice, "Fainted." Learen bursts out laughing again and holds his side.

"That was funny, but don't ever let him hear you saying that!" Sam chuckles at first but then starts to laugh hard.

"I just want you to know I accept you Sam, and I do not want to be with you because while you may remind me of Leif and the serving gentleman, you are handsome and smart. And gods you're tall, before we turn to prunes I have something I want to show you." Learen closes his eyes before he turns around and shows Sam the full extent of all the floggings he has received.

"God damn." Sam whispers as he tentatively reaches out a hand to almost touch one of the many scars.

"Well and this…" Learen whispers and begins to concentrate hard.

The bathtub water that has grown tepid begins to warm back to its previously steaming temperature. As the water steams up; Learen forces the water to turn forest green…azure…purple…the colors begin to change rapidly then settle back to the murky dirtiness of used bath water. Learen turns around and stares at Sam with his azure eyes and limp shoulder length brownish red hair and smiles like a child.

"Magick isn't innately evil, remember that Sam as your own powers begin to get stronger. Dean will understand it one day soon." Learen whispers the last as if it is an after thought. Standing up Learen uncaringly steps out of the bath water and scoops up a towel to dry off. Picking up the second towel, Learen holds it out for Sam as he steps out of the tub.

"Learen…thank you." Sam states simply as he dries off his body.

Learen nods and drops the towel on the floor as he walks out of the bathroom to put on his dirty clothes. Scoffing at not having clean clothes he snickers as Sam walks out with his towel around his waist.

"Oh so modest." Learen jokes and then smiles. "I wonder if there will be karaoke tonight."

Looking askance at Learen, Sam shudders at the thought of having to stand up and sing in front of so many people. His shudders stop as he looks at Learen still fully nude and smiles to himself after so much time blaming himself for his choices in life. And for the deaths of Jessica and Daryl, he loved them both but for very _very_ different reasons. Daryl was the first guy, hell the first person to talk to Sam when he made his way into Stanford. They quickly became best friends then on one warm, muggy night and with the help of jack and coke. They became something more, fuck buddies? On the other hand, maybe just really close guy friends that enjoyed each other's company in the intimate sense.

"Daryl liked to sing, well not in bars or clubs, but every so often I'd hear him getting down to something on his cd player when he was in the shower. God knows I can't sing, but Daryl…sometimes I'd lay in bed and just listen to him sing and before I knew it I'd be lulled to sleep. I remember the last song he sang, I know the title was Deliver Me, but I can't recall the singer." Sam rambles on as he dresses himself.

"Sarah Brightman, that's who sings it." Learen adds quietly.

"There we go, yeah that was the last song I heard him sing. I noticed he was out of smokes so I got up and went out to grab a few packs for him and by the time I got back to the apartment. Well it was quiet and Daryl wasn't in the bathroom so I laid the packs on the nightstand and laid on top of the bed thinking he went out to get some himself. When I opened my eyes he was on the ceiling with his stomach sliced open and it almost looked like he was trying to warn me of something before he burst into flames." Sam tries to continue but chokes up.

"Hey, hey…it's alright you don't have to relieve those moments. You don't have to share something that personal with me. It really wasn't your fault, maybe if you had waited instead of leaving you would have been killed as well. I'm sorry." Learen grabs Sam in a tight hug and feels Sam's chest contract harshly as he let's loose the flood of tears he can't share with his brother.

After Sam's eyes have dried up and the wracking sobs subside does Learen release Sam. "Come on, let's go get drunk!" He says in his best Scottish accent. Sam chuckles as he dries his eyes and face and jumps up off the bed. "Yes, lets!"

"Oh and Sam, you look good with long hair." Learen smiles as he opens the bedroom door and walks out and down to the bar. Sam a close minute behind him sees Learen by Dean, the pair laughing brings Sam to smile.

"Come on princess, Learen has a surprise for you." Dean yells over the clicking of beer necks of the few customers in the roadhouse.

"A surprise for me ummm okay." Sam responds cautiously as he sees a few of the patrons leave the bar. "Guess it's a slow night."

Walking up to the jukebox, Learen first pulls out a smoke and lights it, after taking a drawl he sticks in a buck and selects his two tracks.

As the jukebox starts out Learen smiles at Sam, takes another drawl, and begins to sing…

*1 i hurt myself today  
to see if i still feel  
i focus on the pain  
the only thing that's real  
the needle tears a hole

the old familiar sting  
try to kill it all away  
but i remember everything.

Ellen looks sharply at Learen as do both Sam and Dean, Ash in the back of the bar looks at Learen then down to the ground. Jo simply stares down at the bar.

what have i become?  
my sweetest friend  
everyone i know  
goes away in the end  
you could have it all  
my empire of dirt  
i will let you down  
i will make you hurt

Sam reaches back for the chair he didn't know was right there and sits down hard as he continues staring at the man singing so emotionally with Johnny cash. Dean stands stock still as he looks down at the ground and closes his eyes, Ellen who has been staring at him has also lowered her eyes then brings them up and around to look at Jo. Jo continues to stare at the bar and only Ellen sees the tears falling from her eyes. Ash picks up his bottle of bear and starts chugging.

i wear my crown of shit  
on my liar's chair  
full of broken thoughts  
i cannot repair  
beneath the stain of time  
the feeling disappears  
you are someone else  
i am still right here  
what have i become?  
my sweetest friend  
everyone i know  
goes away in the end  
you could have it all  
my empire of dirt  
i will let you down  
i will make you hurt  
if i could start again  
a million miles away  
i would keep myself  
i would find a way

Learen lets the last line fade deep and strong, even without the aid of a microphone. Dean turns and looks at his brother, his eyes shining with unshed tears then walks to the bar and falls onto the bar stool. Jo swipes a hand at her eyes, pulls out four shot glasses, and fills them with what looks like whiskey. Ellen pulls the lid off a beer and takes a swig. Sam continues looking at Learen who smiles sadly at Sam and grabbing another smoke lights it and waits for the next song.

"This is for someone I've met and hope it helps him heal." Learen says as he coughs harshly to tune his voice.

As the first strings of the song, flow through the old speakers Sam opens his mouth and closes it as he closes his eyes and sits down on the chair suddenly underneath him.

*2 Deliver me, out of my sadness  
Deliver me, from all of the madness  
Deliver me, courage to guide me  
Deliver me, strength from inside me

All of my life I've been in hiding  
Wishing there was someone just like you  
Now that you're here, now that I've found you  
I know that you're the one to pull me through

Deliver me, loving and caring  
Deliver me, giving and sharing  
Deliver me, the cross that I'm bearing

All of my life I was in hiding  
Wishing there was someone just like you  
Now that you're here, now that I've found you  
I know that you're the one to pull me through

Deliver me  
Deliver me  
Oh deliver me

All of my life I was in hiding  
Wishing there was someone just like you  
Now that you're here, now that I've found you  
I know that you're the one to pull me through

Deliver me  
Oh deliver me  
Won't you deliver me

Singing with both clarity and depth, Learen picks up his pack of smokes and lighter and moves to sit down with Sam. "I hope I didn't piss you off." Learen says a bit chagrined. Sam looks up and shakes his head, out of the blue Dean is right beside Sam.

"Get away from him, just stand up and leave. I said fuck off!" Dean yells as he pulls back his fist and socks Learen right between the eyes. Learen doesn't move or try to block the attack and simply takes it.

"Dean what the fuck!" Sam yells as he stands up and blocks Learen from his older brother. "He didn't do anything wrong, all he did was sing and ask if he had pissed me off." Dean just looks at his brother and shakes his head.

"No Sammy, he just didn't sing! He sang the last song you heard Daryl sing, he's not fit to sing anything." Dean tries to get by Sam but fails.

"Wait the fuck up! How do you know that Dean? I've never told anyone about that until I told Learen tonight." Sam begins to get pissed off at his brother.

"I…oh fuck it." Dean sighs and walks away from both his brother and Learen. Stopping dead in his tracks he mutters. "I heard that you bastard." And continues to walk on.

"What is his fucking problem?" Sam asks himself as Learen shakily stands up and rights the chair before he sits in it.

"He heard me say that he's insecure about his feelings over reading your mind when we were in the bedroom talking." Learen shakes his head slowly to dislodge the ringing in his ears.

"What?" Sam stupidly responds

"He heard us talking to each other with his mind…what's so difficult to understand about that? He has repressed his feelings towards you so much that instead of talking to you he hears your thoughts. It's a messed up way to have those abilities but there it is." Learen says unhelpfully.

"I need to talk to him, will you be alright Learen?" Sam asks hurriedly as he turns and speeds off towards his brother.

"Yeah I'll be fine, I suppose." Learen says to no one in particular.

Standing up, Learen walks towards the bar and sees Ellen listening to the CB intently.

"Is there a problem Ellen?" Learen asks softly

"Yeah possibly the problems that have sharp teeth and love darkness. This is the sixth murder this week; the cops don't have a clue how the attackers are draining their blood or why. I was going to ask you three to look into it, but if Dean is that screwed up then maybe I don't want him hunting right now." Ellen walks over to the CB and turns it off.

"Maybe that is the best thing to help him; his head may not be attached right now. But, maybe a hunt will fix him right up." Learen adds a touch too hopeful.

"Maybe, look here's the folder I made up for them. See what you and Sam can make out of it." Ellen tosses the manila folder on the bar top; Learen scoops it up and heads off into the direction Sam and Dean ran off.

As Learen goes to knock on the bedroom door, he hears two heated voices. So doing what any normal person will do he listens.

"God damnit Dean, you can tell me stuff! Oh I know what your going to say, 'yo princess I'm this big macho man who never shares his feelings' well you know what fuck you. Don't you think I have a mountain of shit riding on my back?! I'm the one that mom was killed over not you, I was happy in college away from dad! I loved Daryl; he was my life and then he was killed over me. Even dad, I was just starting to understand him and look what happened…."

"Yeah Sammy look what happened, he was killed because of me! Don't _you_ think I have a pile of shit on my back also? It weighs be down always! And now I find you shacking up with that bastard?"

"That _bastard_ as you call him, listened to me and was understanding. He doesn't fucking degrade me like you do, I try to talk to you about what happened and you didn't want to hear it. Now all of a sudden you can read my mind and you think what's good for me?"

"No I don't know what's good for you, fuck Sam I'm your older brother I'm the one that is supposed to protect you. But now your protecting me, from your sexuality all the way down to your powers. I shouldn't be pissed off because you can do things, but I'm jealous man! You have the one thing I don't, hell you have brains and charm and you have your gifts. No matter how or why you have them but you do!" Dean yells as the door comes flying open, Learen pressed so close to the door he actually falls over. The scene would be comical if not for the seriousness of the conversation.

"God damnit!" Dean yells and breaks down in sobs.

"I…Ellen…vampires." Learen stumbles out over the awkwardness of seeing Dean break down.

_Dean your brother loves you and just wants you to be open with him, you'll never know how much he loves you and I am truly jealous over that love._ Learen says in his mind for Dean to hear.

"Thanks…I'm sorry Sammy." Dean stands up and walks to the open window essentially turning his back on the conversation.

"What did you say about Ellen and vampires?" Sam asks as he looks from Dean to Learen.

"Here's a folder on all the attacks that have happened this week. It seems the victims were drained of their blood and the local authorities have no leads. Can't make head nor tales of it, and so it's not a great stretch to see vampires. Ellen and I think it will help us all out, we've been idle to long, and I think it's stressing us out." Learen absentmindedly prattles on.

"About fucking time I say. Where's the nest?" Dean turns away from the window and moves next to his brother.

"It might not be so much as a nest as just a few vamps, maybe a seedy motel? If it's a nest they are getting sloppy; most of the past victims never were found. Dean can you find them?" Learen asks cautiously.

"Like with my mind? I don't even know how to hear you two when I want to." Dean looks at the ground chagrined.

"If it's anything like mine maybe you just need to think really hard on what you want to hear." Sam adds helpfully.

"Alright give me a moment." Dean closes his eyes and looks deep in thought.

"Nothing, not even you two; look Learen just do you hocus pocus and find them." Dean doesn't ask so much as tells Learen.

"Well I would but I'm fresh out of vamp teeth." Learen frowns and then shrugs. "Let's just go hunting and see where it takes us, I have my sword and I'm certain we have a few knives. Come on." Learen smiles at Sam and turns on the two brothers to head to the Impala.

"Ellen we're out you have the cell number just ring us if something happens." Dean shouts over his shoulder as the trio walk out of the roadhouse and onto the hunt.

In the Impala Sam and Learen trade seats, "So why are you my wingman and not Sammy?" Dean asks quite rudely.

"I know things Dean, plus I have the long sword and magick. You have a bowie knife and your charm." Learen says then sticks his head out the window to smell the air.

"Keep on driving Dean, go faster if you can." Learen pops his head back in and hears Dean chuckle.

"I've heard that line before."

"Oh I'm sure Sam will hear it before too long also." Learen chuckles as Sam just sputters in the back seat.

"STOP!" Learen shouts after fifteen minutes of driving.

"They close?" Dean asks

"If you see a human off with its head; there is nothing out there that is not a vampire." Learen adds as he opens the car door and steps out into the chill black night.

"And no talking unless you get cornered, understood?" Both Sam and Dean nod and the trio walk off into the woods. Paying careful attention to their feet, the trio know they are the bait and hopefully the little blood on Learen's upper lip will draw them in.

Holding up his hand; Sam motions for the group to stand back to back. Learen shakes his head as he holds up two fingers and points at the brothers.

_Dean you two back to back, my blood is drawing them. Tell Sam softly._ Learen sends to Dean as Dean nods Learen turns his back on the brothers and slowly draws his sword out. As he runs two fingers over the sharpened steel, Learen mutters softly and the blade takes on a dull blue glow.

_That ought to get their attention._ Learen thinks casually to himself.

Both Dean and Sam's heads snap to the left as a twig snaps and they find themselves staring at a woman holding her neck with blood on her hand.

"Help me please, those psychos bit my neck, and they won't leave me alone." The woman piteously pleads.

Dean sighs and shakes his head, "Sorry gal, you ain't human." The woman's eyes turn blood red and she howls at the brothers then charges them.

Sam quickly steps away from his brother as he raises his bowie knife to take the decapitating blow. At the last second the female vampire twists and lunges at Sam, Dean quickly repositions his knife and goes after the bitch.

Learen looks down and chuckles, _one newborn vampire and they have this much trouble…._Learen starts to think to himself as he is slammed into a nearby tree. Air blasting out of his lungs he struggles to draw in breath. Holding tight to his sword, Learen pulls himself up and off the ground scanning for the thing that attacked him.

Staring into Learens eyes an older gentleman sneers at Learen and then attacks, Learen feigns right and spins around to the left slicing the mans arm off.

"I'm not to be messed with vampire; where is the rest of your nest." Learen provokes the vampire by quickly slicing into its chest.

"You fool; all we have are us two. Me and my mate, and look at the havoc we can do." The male says as he presses his attack, Learen ready for the counter attack slides to the right and brings his sword around in a backwards spin.

"Never underestimate someone who has someone to protect." Learen spits on the corpse of the man, his head fallen a good five feet from its body. Learen bends down and wipes his sword clean with the vampires' suit.

"Nice work dude that was some fancy foot work." Dean says with a grin, Learen just looks away as he replaces his sword in the hidden sheath in his coat.

"Well this one said there were only him and the female, it could be a lie though we won't know until we wait to see if the killings stop." Learen looks up to the starry night as he normally does when he can see stars.

"Guess we should head back to the road house and catch some z's." Dean claps a hand to Sam's shoulder as the trio walks back to the Impala.

"Dean we need to find someone that can teach you to train your gift; I can't teach you anything because my reading minds come from another source as do Sam's. Is there anyone you can think of that can help you?" Learen asks as he slides into the back seat of the Impala.

"There was the psychic in Lawrence Dean, Missouri wasn't that her name?" Sam adds helpfully.

"Leave it Sam, yeah I remember her, but we have bigger fish to fry at the moment. Maybe when we have a break we can go about to see her." Dean essentially cuts the conversation off as he cranks up the radio.

There drive to the roadhouse was silent for the most part, Sam took to looking out his passenger side window, and Learen was polishing the vampire teeth he took from the male vampire.

Dean turned the radio off and spoke up, "So after we see what mullet man has found I think we should go to Missouri."

"Why what's in Missouri?" Learen asks mischievously

"Not the state idiot; the person. All I'm saying is maybe she can help me and maybe she can't. Any problems with that?" Dean asks and after a few seconds of silence turns the radio back up.

Pulling up to the roadhouse, the trio gets out of the car and finds a few more patrons crowding the bar. As soon as Dean steps through the door all eyes find him, then Sam, then the shorter Learen.

"There they are, I said 51 hours and you all are late!" Ash yells at the trio as he places down a modified laptop.

"This puppy will tell me when so much of a whisper of signs, omens, or anything to do with that demon your tracking."

"You'll call us the second it picks up anything?" Sam asks nervously

"Si, si compadre." Ash says with a grin.

Seeing as Ash is staring at the laptop the trio move away from the bar and upstairs to the bedroom.

"He's crazy, I doubt that thing works." Dean tatters on as he moves back to the still opened window.

"If it does it'll help us out a hell of a lot more then idly driving around; and hell now we have time to go ask Missouri for some help right?" Sam responds to Dean's snappish remarks as he sits on the bed.

"Whatever we do, Ash has your cell number same with Ellen. Either one will get into touch with us; so Dean how do you feel about sharing a bed with me and Sam?" Learen grins widely at the look of horror on Dean's face.

"Hell no, I'll go sleep in the Impala." Dean determinately says as he stomps towards the door.

"Your loss Dean." Sam jibs Dean.

As Dean slams the door, open the closed Sam turns to Learen and smirks, "So it seems we have the bed together. What ever shall we do?"

* * *

AN: yeah I know yet another short chapter and I had a whole week to write it. Well update on the boys, this story will be OC out of character because they are dragging me through the mud when I try to keep them in character! Also yeah their sex was a tad rushed seeing as they haven't known each other that long, but the way I see it is that Sam hasn't had sex (that we know of) for a long time and seeing as he's more gay then bisexual I just thought it would be great to relieve that tension between the two characters.

And if you don't like it, hell tell me how to better the brothers and Learens dynamics ;)

Oh right the two songs were Hurt covered by Johnny Cash and Deliver me by sarah Brightman…check them out and as always if you have suggestions feel free to tell me ;)


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